Blast from the Past: You Might Be A Redneck Elf If...

Courtesy of an email printout I found from 2003 (when the original The Lord of the Rings trilogy came out), I present:

You Might Be A Redneck Elf If...

• Elrond throws you out of Rivendell for ruining his garden with your 3-wheel ATV.

• You deep fry your lembas cakes and eat 'em with fatback.

• You ask Cirdan the Shipwright what the limit is on bass fishing at the Grey Havens.

• You get the Dixie Chicks to record your lament for Gandalf entitled: "Take This Wizard and Shove Him".

• You leave your gaudy Yuletide decorations on your flet all year round.

• You own a velvet painting of Gil-galad.

• When drunk, you taunt mortals at the Prancing Pony with, "Well, at least I ain't gonna die like the rest of you suckers!"

• Your elven steed has a bumper sticker that reads: 'I don't brake for dwarves.'

• You were expelled from Lothlorien for cutting down the mallorn trees for firewood.

• You have a still that puts out hooch made from elanor flowers.

• You and your buddies regularly sneak up to the Black Gate and egg it, then ride off really fast.

• You go skinny dipping in the Dead Marshes.

...I'll leave it up to you to decide which of these DSCA, Deevius, and I are actually guilty of.  We are redneck elves (and hobbit), and proud.