Monday, December 29, 2014

Blast from the Past: You Might Be A Redneck Elf If...

Courtesy of an email printout I found from 2003 (when the original The Lord of the Rings trilogy came out), I present:

You Might Be A Redneck Elf If...

  • Elrond throws you out of Rivendell for ruining his garden with your 3-wheel ATV.
  • You deep fry your lembas cakes and eat 'em with fatback.
  • You ask Cirdan the Shipwright what the limit is on bass fishing at the Grey Havens.
  • You get the Dixie Chicks to record your lament for Gandalf entitled: "Take This Wizard and Shove Him".
  • You leave your gaudy Yuletide decorations on your flet all year round.
  • You own a velvet painting of Gil-galad.
  • When drunk, you taunt mortals at the Prancing Pony with, "Well, at least I ain't gonna die like the rest of you suckers!"
  • Your elven steed has a bumper sticker that reads: 'I don't brake for dwarves.'
  • You were expelled from Lothlorien for cutting down the mallorn trees for firewood.
  • You have a still that puts out hooch made from elanor flowers.
  • You and your buddies regularly sneak up to the Black Gate and egg it, then ride off really fast.
  • You go skinny dipping in the Dead Marshes.

...I'll leave it up to you to decide which of these DSCA, Deevius, and I are actually guilty of.  We are redneck elves (and hobbit), and proud.

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